96: Paradise

Paradise is not a place
It is a state of mind, I seek to find.
I have travelled to beauty
And found ugly instead
Because it came with me inside my head.

The difference is only guilt
Settling on my shoulders
Self-imposed and always there.
My unwelcome visitor
Is growing bolder.

I feel ungrateful in this place

To have such sadness in my heart
So much time to think
My camouflage has fallen apart.
What does the future hold?
Why does the thought fill me with dread?
I am frightened for my son
In fact I’m scared to death.

Lady Satellite