67: Fail

Failure is not an option
I simply must put down some words
I do not have a topic
This is really quite absurd.

Nothing is in my mind
It’s all gone blank and disappeared
My eyes are slowly closing
It is as I had feared.

Slowly I fall asleep

Sitting here at my computer
Trying to write a poem
That I haven’t got a clue for!

Lady Satellite

Some days are easier than others! Today was almost a fail.

66: Farewell For Another Year

Farewell Christmas tree
Back in the box you go
I wonder how you’ll find us next year
And what the future holds.

Maybe I should have wished upon that star
Before I packed it carefully away
But what would I have wished for
I really couldn’t say.

I feel great change is coming
Yet sunlight blocks my view
I feel a sense of excitement
As I enjoy all that is new.

Anything could happen

The possibilities are limitless.
How many people for Christmas next year?
Will there be more or less?

I won’t try to predict the outcome
I’m happy to let the journey unfold
As we approach a new beginning
I look forward to the story that is told.

Lady Satellite

65: This Is My Year

This is the year I connected with my emotions and my world changed.
The year I told people what I thought, not what they wanted to hear.
The year I made decisions that benefited me.
The year I took action to change my life.

This is the year that challenged me over and over again.
The year I faced my fears, over and over again
Finally recognising the importance of being true to myself in every situation.
The year I became selfish enough to do this and learnt that that’s okay
In fact it’s not merely okay, it’s right and proper
Because we spare the feelings of others to the detriment of our own lives.

This is the year I screamed and cried until I thought I’d die
Except I didn't, I lived and loved and lived again
Renewed, refreshed, brighter, bolder another year older
Yet freer and younger than I've ever been.

This is the year I found the strength to say no to people.
The year I found the strength to say yes to life and to ask for what I needed.
The year I realised it’s okay to need something or someone
And that it doesn't make me weak to know that truth about myself.
The year I realised that to be honest takes guts
That the truth is often painful and that most people would rather avoid it.
The year I realised I can’t do that any more.

This is the year I stopped needing my kids to need me.
The year I built my own life, separate and vastly different from that of a mother.
The year I had something to say that wasn't about my kids
Because I’d been somewhere and done something
Instead of being wrapped up in family drama.
The year I realised doing these things doesn't make me a bad mother
But a more rounded, balanced human being
In fact a better role model and certainly a happier person.

This is the year I sought out pleasurable experiences
And realised that half the things I’d been doing for entertainment I didn't enjoy.
They were just time-fillers and mental distractions
Excuses for not doing things that were emotionally challenging.

This is the year I sought to know myself
And found I liked the woman I got to know for the first time.

Lady Satellite

The end of December is an appropriate time for reflection. It's been a wild ride this year. I am very grateful for all the good and the bad experiences as I have learnt so much.

64: Moving

How to choose, how to choose
What’s best for them, is it best for you?
We agonise, over each decision
To save our child, from pain and derision.

We do our research, then we do some more
To pick a school, is a difficult chore.
We talk to people, we take advice
We ask the questions, nobody likes.

Moving house, is a scary thing
That first day, when you walk them in
Backed by research, you still don’t know
If this will work, but still here goes.

It’s too late now, you’re committed to this
Please succeed, is your fervent wish.
The staff are welcoming, the kids all smiles
You look at your boy, to see if he’s riled.

So far so good, still calm not flustered
Fingers crossed, no rage or fuss here.
You start to expel, that breath you held
This is the start, of his brave new world.

Only time will tell, if he will thrive
You’ve done all you can, you’ve tried and tried.
Now release control, let go of those reins
Let others take charge and ease the strain.

Take time out, it’s more than due
Think of yourself, you need support too.
For this move to work, you need to reach out
Connecting with people is what it’s all about.

He finds it hard, maybe you do too
Might not come naturally, but it’s the right thing to do.
Find those people, the ones that understand
Who’ll walk with you, hand in hand.

So get on the ‘net, find a support group
Make friends, get involved, it’s important to do.
They won’t knock on your door, or hear you shout
Unless you make an effort, to seek friends out.

You’re half way now, but you can’t stop there
The school is sorted, time for your own affairs.
Put equal effort, into your own life
If you make friends, you’ll be all right.

Lady Satellite

63: Everybody Has a Past

Everybody has a past.
What have you done with yours?
Have you stashed it in the attic,
Under layers of stifling dust,
Where you can pretend it doesn’t exist?
If you have, make sure you never open that door.
Light falling on swirling motes of dust,
Creates fearful illusions.
If you don’t want to face those nebulous ghosts,
Keep that door closed tight.
Reinforce it day and night.

Are you re-living the past every day,
Drowning under years of tears and sorrow,
With the waves of your emotions,
Threatening to take your breath away?
Are you avoiding people and places,
That trigger e-motion sickness;
Or are you deliberately seeking out,
That music and those memories,
The daily lives of those faces,
So that you can dwell longer,
In this ocean of familiarity.
Is this your daily reality?

Have you burnt your memories,
in a cleansing fire and risen anew?
Did you collapse in a heap of ashes and feel like nothing,
Before realising that you have been given an opportunity,
To rebuild yourself from the ground up;
A chance to develop a more sophisticated model of you,
A you that is glad of past events,
Because they forced you to redesign,
And become more highly evolved.
Are you at peace with the story told?

Maybe you think this is overly dramatic,
and none of it applies to you;
But the fact remains,
Everybody has a past.
What have you done with yours?

Lady Satellite

62: Dalai Lama

You made me cry
Please don’t feel bad
My tears were happy

Couldn’t be sad.

You read my mind
When you bought for me
That perfect gift

I didn’t know I needed.

I had no idea
He was coming to Perth
Thank you for knowing

I’d want to hear his words.

You bought me a ticket
I’m so excited
To be at the Arena
With one so enlightened.

It might mean nothing
To other folks
But I just love
That you know me so well

That you chose the perfect gift
An experience of wonder
An opportunity for me
Unlike any other.

My darling girl

How did you get so smart?
I just want to thank you
From the bottom of my heart.

Lady Satellite

Christmas, when magic happens!

61: Don't Buy Me Things

Don’t buy me things at Christmas time or any other
Unless you know I love, want and need it
Don’t buy me things out of duty and obligation
Because you did last year or just because you like it
Don’t buy me things, give me your time instead.

Don’t buy me things, come visit and tell me who you are
Share your story with me, your hopes and fears
Make plans, take action, bring your dreams into being
Make memories that will be treasured for ever
Don’t buy me things, show me who you are.

Don’t buy me a picture for the wall, unless you’re going to help me hang it
I don’t want things to dust and tidy
I don’t need more work to do, because I’ll have less time to spend with you
Pay a gardener to mend the retic’ or a plumber to mend the leak
Don’t buy me things, help me with the jobs I can’t do.

Don’t buy me things I have to like, or your feelings will be hurt
Just share your smile with me in an intimate moment
Ring me up breathless with excitement the minute you finish work
Wake me with a 3.00 am satellite call, from a ship on the other side of the world
Please don’t buy me things, just give me your love wherever you are.

Don’t buy me garden plants that need watering, lest they die
Bring me a hot coloured bouquet that shouts happiness and joy
Bring me delicate blooms that fill the room with perfume
Though short lived, there is no guilt only pleasure
Don’t buy me things for the future, excite my senses now

Don’t buy me predictable safe things, because you know me
And I’ve always loved them in the past
Take my breath away, challenge me, keep me growing
Push me in new directions with new experiences to try
Don’t buy me the same old things, help me grow.

Don’t buy me things at all, I don’t need objects to weigh me down
Give me experiences, take me places and open my eyes
Surprise me, thrill me, take me past the fear that this jump might kill me
Don’t buy me things, give me opportunity and hold my hand
Cheer and believe in me, then hold me and celebrate when I land.

Lady Satellite

60: Awkward Moment

It’s an awkward dance
I don’t want to do
Do you kiss me
Or do I kiss you?

All I want
Is to say goodbye
Don’t want anything else
I’m not gonna lie.

Tea was nice
Conversation okay
But that’s all it was
Nothing special today.

You walk to my car
Behave like a gent
But I’m not sure
Of your intent.

I made myself clear
I spelled it out
But in your mind
I’m sure there’s doubt.

Friends are friends
Don’t make this hard
I didn’t sign on
For the whole nine yards.

So walk away
Don’t make a move
I don’t want a kiss
I’m not being rude.

Please don’t try
Something like that
If you come any nearer
You might get a slap!

Lady Satellite

59: A House Full of Things

I’ve woven my cocoon, my nest, around me
Filled with things I thought I needed.
Some of these I scrimped and saved for
Others I thought I was simply made for.
Yet none provide the pleasure of human company
No mere object will stop you being lonely
They just distract you and make it cosy.

So many things I’ve filled my time with
Chores, crafts and activities vying for my hours
Offering me guilt and sadness when they sit undone
Versus triumph and satisfaction upon completion
Ultimately just memories, clutter and dusting.

All these things I’ve over invested in
Time and space, objects in places
What really counts is experience and living
Going and doing, seeing and giving.

So hard to change, even though it’s what I want
To let go of dreams that no longer fit
As my social life grows, those things I thought I needed
Weigh me down and hold me back
Whispering, chattering, shouting
“Finish me!”
“Clean me!”
“What a waste!”
Clamouring for my time
Cluttering my mental space.

Well I don’t need this guilt, so self-imposed
I see it for what it is, I can diagnose
A long drawn out case of procrastination
Holding me back now, times a wastin’.
Let go those memories, you don’t need those things
You have a new life, it’s time for living.

Lady Satellite

58: FIFO Worker

No strings, no strings

No diamond rings

No lies, no ties

No long goodbyes.

Fly in today, fly out tomorrow

Sold your soul, for the FIFO dollar

Easy come, easy go

Loving the life and the money flow.

Won’t get caught up, won’t get tied down

Maybe you’ll see me, next time around

No promises, no commitment

Maybe I’ll see you, maybe I won’t.

Lady Satellite

57: A Pretty Silly Ditty!

Rhyming, rhyming
it’s all about timing.

Rhythm and rhyme
ride side by side.

Nonsense versus meaning
or just fantasy and dreaming.

You choose what you use
there are no rules.

You can follow Timbuktu
with I love you.

It matters not
you can even use snot!

Have fun today
write a poem and play.

Lady Satellite

In honour of Silly Season a silly ditty!

56: Stretching

Take me on a wild adventure to your home
Show me the colours of your world through melody and song
Excite my senses with the sensual rhythm of your Latin music
Expand my mind with unfamiliar sounds
I want to strain to grasp the meaning of the sultry Spanish lyrics as a whole
Without stopping to translate each line
I want to immerse myself in the river of language
And emerge joyful and fluent
I feel the plasticity in my brain as neurons firing I stretch my inward capacity I have a taste for this excitement
I want more

But it is your turn
Come with me now on a journey inside yourself
Close your eyes and feel your way
Let my music guide you to connect with your place in the universe
I’ll show you the melodic minor key that will knock you off balance
and then drop you in place so perfectly it will make your spine tingle
I’ll place you under the spell of the crystal singing bowl
That will tune your heart like the beautiful instrument all hearts are designed to be
I’ll unblock your chakras with the shimmering sound of a hand beaten metal gong
tuned to perfection,
Tuned in like this you will want more
Come stretch yourself with me.

Lady Satellite

55: First Meeting

We chatter away, rushing to fill the awkward empty spaces
His foot taps the air rhythmically as he struggles to control his nerves
My hair blows across my face for the umpteenth time
As I wonder about the wisdom of sitting in the open air for this meeting.

It’s too late to turn back now,
The ink of that first impression has already dried
We are committed to this awkward dance for the next hour or so
Sizing each other up, assessing, looking for clues
Trying to relax, not wanting to accidently upend the drinks
Or cause some other embarrassing faux pas.

Suddenly he smiles, and the nerves are gone
He laughs revealing a perfect row of beautiful white teeth
This won’t be hard after all
I think I’m going to enjoy this.

The what-ifs have vanished now
Our very different lives supply us with plenty of fodder for conversation
There are new things to learn on each side
Time takes wing while we explore each other’s life and character.

All too soon we are saying goodbye and going our separate ways
Each wondering about the other
The euphoria of the meeting dissolves as the day closes
This part of a new beginning is tricky to negotiate
Waiting and wondering, eager for signs of a positive reaction
Requires patience I rarely feel at this time.

Sleep now
A new day begins in a few hours
Anything could happen…

Lady Satellite

54: The Book of Truths

I am a magnificent book

A great work
A very rare and special book
I am opened ready and inviting
Come read my pages….

Within my covers lie secrets and magic
Wherever you peak inside, truth will be revealed
And yet these beautiful handwritten pages
Are ever changing, the ink is always fresh.

My story is very absorbing
I think you will enjoy reading it
The magic is in the way it will make you feel
Familiar bells will chime in your head
You will read and think
‘Yes!’
‘That’s it!’ ‘
That’s exactly how it happens!’
You’ll shout out to no one in particular
‘See!’
‘I was right!’
‘I knew it all along!’
You will be impressed by the author
You will be so amazed by the story that you’ll say
‘You know that could’ve been written especially for me’
‘That story is so close to mine’
‘It’s like they were there’

A huge grin of satisfaction and vindication
Will broaden on your face as you delight
In the thought that you were right
I mean you knew it anyway, deep down
You just didn’t know how to express it
So that others would understand your philosophy.

Tell your friends
Invite them to read this amazing story
They are sure to enjoy it

Spread the word
Let them come from far and near
To read and enjoy this manuscript.

I guarantee you, each person will find satisfaction
Whether they read from cover to cover
Or pick a page without thought
And let the magic of serendipity play out

If you wish to read from my pages
You must understand that the words are personalised
They exist in time and space only for you
Each reader will have a different experience
Each time the book is opened new things will be revealed

Your words are powerful magic
You will feel raised up and validated
You will feel glorious and celebrate your personal power
But I warn you
Do not abuse this gift
Do not misuse the vision you are shown
Delight in the wonder of who you really are
Let the knowledge fuel your physical body
But do not
I repeat, do not,
Crow or brag about your enlightened state
Do not set yourself up as righteous
Do not create a cult with you as the celebrated leader

My pages contain your truth
This truth belongs to you
And the magic, acts for you alone
I am a book of truth.
Your truth, my truth, everybody’s truth is here
They are all different.
So different in fact that if you compare viewpoints
You will see that you were reading different books.

The real magic is here
In the understanding that everybody’s truth is different

Though the book is the same
Each individual is empowered by their truth
To deny their truth is dangerous

Do not seek to gain followers
Rather encourage others to find their truth
Empowering others is the way to uplift society.
It doesn’t matter which book you read
What you do with your truth is what matters.

Lady Satellite

I started writing this piece the day the hostages were taken in a Sydney cafe and didn't know where it was going. Today when I finished the piece I knew why I had to write it.

53: Finlay and the Wonderful, Amazing, Not Bad, Very Good Day

Well today was that day
The day that nearly didn’t happen
The day that was nearly the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
The day that wasn’t what was expected
The day everybody was dreading
The day where so many things could’ve gone wrong but didn’t.

Three weeks of worrying and waiting
Three weeks of wondering and hoping
Three weeks of good days, bad days and better days
Three weeks of ‘Can he?’, ‘Will he?’, ‘Won’t he?’
Three weeks of incentives and coercion, ‘If…..’ and ‘Then…..’, carrots and sticks.

Today the weather put on its summer clothes
Today the bus company sent one bus instead of two
Today we saw dolphins frolicking in the harbour
Today the cinema forgot our booking 

Today we got to see Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today seventy-five children made sandcastles on the beach
Today my son was one of them and coped
Today was a wonderful, amazing, not bad, very good day!

Lady Satellite

52: The Hardest Thing

Tick tock
I wait by the phone,

Tick tock
Listening to the clock,

Tick tock
I don’t want to do this,

Tick tock
Please make it stop,

I can hear your accusations, from your hospital bed

Words going round, getting inside my head.

Don’t want to live with guilt, know there’s more to come,

Don’t want to be on the run, know I have to get this done.

I’ve done nothing wrong, but that won’t stop them saying

That I’m heartless and I’m cruel, that he’s just an old fool.

So I’m going to make the call, get it done once and for all.

Ring, ring…………

My nerves are fraying, while I wait for the pick up

Too much time to think,

Ring, ring………..

It really is too much.

I want to run away again, but I’m going to see this through.

I won’t accept the burden, so there’s nothing else to do.

It doesn’t change a thing for me

You’re not forgiven, I won’t forget.

But I’ll let you know I care

Then perhaps you'll rest.

Lady Satellite

51: Deep

The lake of my emotions,
is unending deep;
like the darkest cave,
that never sees day;
and the recesses of my mind,
where I hide things away.

The lake has a whirlpool,
at its core,
where the waters swirl down,
for ever more.
Down way down,
the vortex goes,
straight to my soul,
depth unknown.

If you stir the waters,
be prepared,
for the depth of feelings,
that will be aired.

If you swim in emotions,
at your core,
you may jump in
and find out more.

If your heart is made

of barren rock,
then stay on the shore,
safe from shock.

Lady Satellite

50: Never Too Old to Play Dress-Ups!

Today the sun shone

Today the sky was blue

Today I got my frock on

Today my heels were huge!

Today I was glamorous

Today I was sociable

Today I was amorous

Today I was jovial.

Today I was playful

Today I was adventurous

Today I was daring

Today I was scandalous.

So tomorrow get your frock on

And wear your very best heels

Glam yourself up

And see how good you feel.

Go for a walk along the river

Go for a coffee in the town

Go window shopping with a friend

Or just stroll glamorously around!

Dress up please

To please yourself.

Wear sexy underwear

Matching bag and shoes.

Get glammed up to do the ordinary

And have an extraordinary day.

You have nothing to lose

It’s such a lot of fun to play!

Lady Satellite

49: Be Real With Me

If you’re not in touch with your emotions, then I don’t want to know.
Love can sting and it can burn you, or it can make you glow
But if we’re not in this together, then you really need to go.

I’m laying it on the line; my heart is an open book.
I need to feel the same from you, or I don’t want to look.
If you’re not committed to your feelings, whether love or something else

Then don’t do this with me, until you’ve been and found yourself.

Give me emotion; show me your depths, make it real

Don’t fly into a rage, because you hurt must be concealed.

Give me emptiness; show me your pain, your greatest fear

Be vulnerable; drop your guard, your inner self reveal.

Give me your doubts; show me your worries
Tell me about the worm you feel inside

Banish the lions costume, let go the beliefs you hide behind.

Be a failure

Be scared

Be a coward

And by admitting these things…

Be successful

Be truly brave,

Be empowered.

When you can be real with yourself

Then, you can do this with me.

Lady Satellite

48: Monitoring a Nuclear Reactor

     

I may be sitting here in the early evening sun talking comfortably

I may be looking at your face and smiling

But my control system is constantly on high alert.

My ears filter the sounds drifting across the grassy patch

Monitoring the sound of tennis ball on cricket bat

Scanning the multitude of children’s voices

Seeking out my own uniquely bonded source of sound emissions.

Once I have tuned in to the correct frequency

I check the pitch and tone for known deviations.

I am an experienced, professional frequency monitoring operative

My data-banks have seen almost all known error codes before

My early warning systems are highly developed.

While I nod and chatter with the other parents

I am alerted to a familiar pattern.

The subject has left the safety of the green zone

The reactor temperature is rising

Still only level 4 but we’re in the amber zone

Rapid escalation into the red zone can occur from this level.

Everybody knows a nuclear meltdown is a nasty business

Collateral damage spreads widely after such a cataclysmic event

So like the slick professional trouble-shooter that I am

I switch from happy parent to authority mode

I move off the bench and approach the pitch.

There are special codes to be used on occasions like this

Short, sharp reminders at low pitch

Of the outcome for the subject

Should he continue his current trajectory.

The subject responds by de-escalating one level

Operations continue briefly while I return to the bench

But that was just a preliminary rumble

Another ball is thrown

The main event is starting…

Warning bells are going off

The reactor is at level 6 now

The core temperature is rising.

The only way to prevent catastrophic failure now

Is a show of strength

A reminder that an equal and opposite force exists

Failure is not an option.

I go into action, calmly and decisively

I let the subject know that I have authority

And will not tolerate any violation of the rules.

There follows a minor explosion

The cricket bat is aimed menacingly at the stumps

Then flung to the ground.

The subject runs off to the isolation and safety of a tree

Play continues…

Whilst monitoring my charge safely defusing at a distance

I become aware of hostile forces nearby

Another parent is speaking about my intervention

Using humour to disguise what they see as my over-reaction.

But they are ignorant of the procedures.

They do not know about the risks of an autistic child in nuclear meltdown

They do not know that I may have just saved their child’s life

A minor explosion safely releases pent up energy

In nuclear mode that cricket bat would have become a lethal weapon

I will step in with appropriate force again

Don’t judge me!

I am an expert on this subject

The subject is my child.

Lady Satellite

47: Bad Timing

Passionate is how I feel

About creative writing

Words are dancing in my head

Calling and inviting.

They romp and roll around each other

When I’m underneath the shower

They taunt and tease my brain

Hour after hour.

When I’m driving in my car

With the music playing loud

I’m tapping on the steering wheel

Soaking up the sound.

I listen to the lyrics

Penned by some other bard

Admiring the songs on which

They worked so very hard.

Suddenly the lyrics fade

And all I hear is rhythm

Then in my head new words appear

And everything is different.

Verses flow quick and easy

Appearing as if by magic

Though I cannot write them down

While my wheels turn on their axes.

I wish that I could capture

This outpouring of new rhyme

That occurs when I’m driving

And I haven’t got the time!

Lady Satellite

46: Spoken Word

Oh My God 2014

The year I started living

Thanks to Steve

And a whole lot of therapy

I’ve woken up

From my dream.

I can feel for the first time

From my fingers to my toes

And everything in between.

So hard to believe my life before

I just ‘was’

But this is living.

I try new things

Boundaries have slipped away

I crave new experiences

And I savour the feelings I find.

I have become bold

And fearless

As I’ve stripped away the old.

The introvert has gone

And this new person I have found

Surprise, surprise, this me

I do not recognise

Is out there loud and proud.

An extrovert

I can’t believe I’m doing

Or considering

Half the things inside my head.

I really am alive

Like Pinocchio

Wood made into flesh

Before I was so dead.

Now I need to find my people

The ones that feel deeply as I do

The ones that will challenge

And encourage me

With energy and verve

The ones that will take me to the next level

And help me hold my nerve.

The stage, the stage

All the world’s a stage

I need to take these words

And lift them of the page.

To the devotees of spoken word

I seek you here and now

I welcome you into my world

Come what may, just WOW!

Lady Satellite

Feeling so inspired by Sarah Kay today and other spoken word artists. They write amazing poetry but then they remember all the lines and get their timing just right amazes me. I want that!!