198: Choose Your Knickers Wisely!

What knickers to wear
for a cycling extravaganza
is an important decision to make.
Too long in the saddle
with the wrong sort of apparel
will leave you lying prostrate;
with your legs open wide
and a fan set on high
and an ice pack ready just in case!

No you daren’t make a mistake

with the undies you take
when perching on that saddle so narrow;
one slip and you’re done for
no sex for a week or more,
so have a care and choose wisely
for goodness sake!

Lady Satellite

197: Freedom Bonds

Let me be me

let you be you
unto ourselves
let us both be true.

Minds free to alter
expand and grow
let change be constant
as the universe knows.

Bind me with delight
let me flex and grow
push me a little
leave enough room for ‘No’.

Always a choice
never a duty
these bonds of freedom
craft a thing of beauty.

Lady Satellite

196: Shadows

Dark shadows persistently pushing by

yet clear blue remains the colour of the sky.

Inner world not matching outer today;
remnant emotions, keep getting in the way.

Like enemy targets on a video display

just want to take a gun and blast them all away.

Lady Satellite

195: Submit

Stop your rabid struggling
thrashing around is futile
churning the atmosphere
won’t allow the sun to smile.

Only a wraith can gain purchase
on clouds and drifting smoke
though fraught, you are human
and there will always be hope.

So allow yourself to sink
into the violence of the storm
have no fear of being overwhelmed
there is a path, been trod before.

Feel the wind of your emotions

and your layers being torn
reaching calm at the centre
be naked and reborn.

Lady Satellite

194: Wash Away the Storm

Red light fading
inside my eyes,
anger dissipating
a hopeful sign.

Painfully expressed
energy gone now,
angry screams released
radio masked sound.

Tears towel caught

washed away by machine,
eyes rimmed red
need not be seen,
eruption over,
shower off like it’s never been.

Lady Satellite

193: Just Breathe

Breathe
slow down
stop.
Beware the shuddering gasps
of sustained busyness.

Pause
settle
permit yourself to be soothed.
Surrender your problem solving
and follow your breath
slowly
slowly
pieces of puzzle
slide into place.

The picture appears
perfectly formed
sense bred from senselessness
solutions found
false starts abandoned
plans formulated
power to push onwards found
summoned by the breath.

Lady Satellite

192: It was Fucking Blue!

That dress, the one we bickered over constantly;
symbolic of all that was unnameable in our lives,
both of us suffering unspeakably,
both powerless to change anything that really mattered
or hug each other in fellowship against a common adversary.

And so we argued,
“It’s green.”
“No, it’s blue.”
“It’s mint green.”
“No, it’s duck egg blue.”
while quiet rage consumed me.

Both of us needing to be right,
to have control of our lives in some small way;
as if all these crumbs of power could possibly outweigh
the oppressive bulk of that unspoken other.

I lost the battle for supremacy
the day I took the Ishihara Test.
It was fucking blue!
Even my eyes were lying to me
Then I discovered nothing in my childhood was green;
not that dress, nor the patchwork fields of my fairy tale existence;
nothing was the healing colour of green.

Lady Satellite

191: Addiction

Love charges around my circuitry making connections like never before.
Endorphins have me skipping from crest to crest as if these great ocean waves were solid.

All fear gone, I dance with abandon, joyfully expressing my soul.
Dipping down into the trough I throw handfuls of blackened water to the sky and laugh as droplets shimmer when exposed to light.

Withholding nothing, I revel in the freedom of feeling all.

Diving into the water feeds my hunger to know myself through new experiences.
Pushing down I reach the quiet depths where a broken vessel teaming with life and colour is a wreck no more; claimed by the ocean, re-purposed and made beautiful again.

Lady Satellite

190: My Soul Knew

Written from my heart
you languished in darkness
put away for safe keeping
where you became invisible.

The tangible sweetness
of rediscovery takes me back
and connects me to my past.

My hands tremble
holding the poetry of my soul
recognition that I existed then
as I am now is a revelation.

I delight in finding myself
alive in my past
I was there, but I too languished
invisible in darkness.

Only rarely did my soul sing
loudly enough to be heard in this world
from that distant place
where I put myself away for safe keeping.

Lady Satellite

189: Full Circle

“Make me feel good.”
Said the girl

“Stay in and hold me.
Don’t go out tonight
I’m scared.”

“I can’t.”
Said the mother

“Because I don’t understand
And you can’t tell me why;
Because you don’t have the words
And I don’t want to hear them anyway.”

“Make me feel good.”
Said the teenager

“Tell me I’m pretty.
Take me to the cinema
Hold my hand.”

“I can’t.”
Said the boy

“Because you don’t smile
And until you do I won’t know that you’re pretty;
Because you don’t trust me
And I don’t know why.”

“Make me feel good.”
Said the young woman in her first job

“Notice how hard I am trying.
Reward me with praise
Trust and respect me.”

“I can’t.”
Said the boss

“Because you have victim written all over you
And I don’t respect you for that;
Because I don’t want you to be my equal
And your intelligence threatens me.”

“Make me feel good.”
Said the wife

“Hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright.
Make a fuss of me and show me you care.
Never ever frighten me.”

“I can’t.”
Said the husband

“Because my problems are bigger than yours
And I can’t see you there in my shadow;
Because I have to pretend all day long
And home is the only place I feel safe to let it all go
And that’s because I know you love me.”

“Make me feel good.”
Said the mother

“Take care of me and the children.
Notice what I achieve and not what is left undone
I want to be glad I chose you.”

“I can’t.”
Said the father

“Because I am afraid I am a failure
And I need you to be perfect to make me look good;
Because I make you feel scared like you did as a child
And you chose me because you knew this.”

Lady Satellite

188: What to Wear for a Swim?

So many different outfits

you can see at the swimming pool
from the ‘oh no thanks’ budgie smugglers
to the seriously cool.

So much costume variety
you can find at the beach
some with acres on display
some with it all tucked up out of reach.

My thoughts on this issue
have changed over the years
along with body confidence
fashion and skin cancer fears.

In my twenties I loved the sun
and a tan I would seek
so I wore a string bikini
in Hawaii for a week.

Yes the waterfall was superb
and the weather was divine
but the company left much to be desired
as his comments undermined.

So I put away the two-piece
and stayed out of the water
till I had kids to teach
and got in again with my daughter.

But my confidence was shot
so I hid for ten long years
wearing an all black Speedo
prevented further tears.

When I got rid of that man
well my confidence it came back
so I took myself off shopping
for a costume that wasn’t black.

I bought a halter neck style
in my favourite aqua blue
it was pretty, frilly and feminine
and I looked good in it too.

So I headed to the pool
to take an aqua-fit class
I was so proud of that costume
but that feeling didn’t last.

The problem was apparent
as I stepped into the water
that beautiful frill just floated
and didn’t stay where it ought ’a.

How’s a girl supposed to exercise

when tangled up in lycra?
I couldn’t figure it out
so I just bought something tighter.

Today at the leisure centre
it was back to black again
this one a tight-fitting sexy number
that to put on was a pain.

Well I wriggled and I jiggled
for a whole ten minutes
but eventually I managed
to get my body in it.

I walked out in the water
feeling confident and fab
no floaty bits to trap me
and no sign of any flab.

I started in the shallows
and headed for the deep
just a leisurely breast stroke
as I had no time to beat.

Around about half way
I was struggling quite a bit
breathing was a little difficult
obviously not that fit.

I valiantly swam on
until I completed my four lengths
then I near collapsed
totally devoid of strength.

I couldn’t understand
what had happened to my fitness
as my world began to spin
I felt sick and quite ridiculous.

Then it hit me with great force
something’s cutting the blood supply
it’s this costume that’s the cause
and without oxygen I’ll die.

So it’s back to the shops for me
this one just won’t do
of course I could try skinny dipping
but I don’t think that’s legal. Do you?

Lady Satellite

187: Patriarchy

Building up a head of steam
watch out I’m gonna blow
what passes for entertainment now
Is humour that’s so low.

Am I the only one
who sees this insidious patriarchy
this continuous passive aggression
that runs through today’s society?

Surely we are better than this?
Surely there is more that we can create to entertain
than this misogynistic trash
that makes the blood boil in my veins?

Comedians that denigrate female relatives
and vulgarise all commentary on women;
iconic popular culture films
with cheap parodies, so lame.

I listen and madly roar
why, is this still ok?
The
       “She’s only a woman”
                                             line
should’ve long been put away in shame.

What passes for comedy
is just filth, profanity
and weak male chauvinistic banality
said tongue-in-cheek, ad infinitum
because no woman could take offence at that

“Right?”

Because it’s just a joke!
Everybody knows we don’t mean it!
So that’s alright

“Right?”

But you do.
You perpetuate the lies.
You laugh and you despise.
Get off your high horse
you came from between my thighs
yet you disrespect and trivialise
the women that gave you life.

Lady Satellite

186: Coming Down

Happy on the ceiling
not wanting to come down
good friend, good food
hours have quietly ticked around.

Lying here in my bed
house surrounding all quiet
not ready to sleep yet
while the endorphins riot.

Relax, take a pen
do something constructive
recording my thoughts
soothingly productive.

Set the words down
commit them to paper
portrait of an evening
immortalised for later.

Lady Satellite

185: The Fool

I picture you so clearly
when I think about the past
most memorable of my teachers
your influence unsurpassed.
You taught me geography and geology
and fed my passion to understand this world.
I looked up to you, yet we ridiculed you too
in a manner that now disturbs.

You had a brilliant mind
you stretched me.
I adored the concepts taught
but your eighties style
and brash earring choice
was something we all abhorred.

Your most noticeable feature
was your more than ample bosom
both lopsided and misshapen
I don’t know how you coped
with the lampooning and jokes
and your annual on-stage humiliation.

It was cruel and it disgusts me
To think that I sat and laughed
As I watched those girls
imitate and denigrate your body.
It sickens me today.
The memory I find so offensive
is not the one I want to take away.

You taught me about women in society

gatekeepers, dignity and so much more.
I applaud your courage and tenacity
and the way you were so self-assured.
You spoke about bureaucrats, politicians, bankers
and others who had the power
to keep us in our place or open doors
the ability to grant or deny access
to equality, status and law.

I drank it all in eagerly
and was unsurprised when I hit those walls.
I ran back and forth and pounded
but I could not make them fall.
Then one day I realised
it was me that had to change
that I had to stop asking for respect
but command it
by behaving as if it was already there
that to expect from others
what I didn’t give myself
was absurd and totally unfair.

Your outer world reflects your inner
was the lesson I had to learn
You lived it and yet I didn’t see
The truth too subtle for me to discern.
You gave no credence to your detractors.
You never once dignified any slight with a response.
You sailed your ship skilfully
with respect and inspiring dignity
while we made fools of ourselves, not you.

Lady Satellite

184: Caught

What is this magnetic force
This attraction that pulled me inexorably towards you?

I have become caught in your atmosphere
My satellite gracefully circumnavigating your globe forever.

Feedback from my probes and scanners
Brings my circuitry to life.

Wherever you are on land or sea
You are tracked with precision
Keeping you in my sights
As I glide past high above
Freely orbiting and yet tenderly held
By the force of your gravity.

Neither can escape
Both moving without constraint
Yet bonded together by universal laws.

As I pass over your horizon
Connection is temporarily lost.

Life continues a little colder

And with less definition on the dark side
Until I reappear shining brightly above you
Basking in the reflected light of our sun.

Lady Satellite

183: The Gift

Softly yielding flesh beneath my fingers
Curiosity rewarded with surprise and delight.

You are beautiful in ways unexpected
Revelation upon revelation to me.

The axis of my world realigns
As your exploration shifts the paradigm.

Appreciation of the feminine changes all
My relationship with my body
Forever changed by loving yours.

Lady Satellite

182: Reaching Out

Do I aim to please
With these words I weave
And if so who
Is it me or you?

Am I seeking to entertain
Or is the purpose
Mere vanity
But then again
Perhaps
It’s just insanity?

I mean why else would I choose
To talk about sex and abuse
To discuss therapy and divorce
And men with a bad attitude.

Would you stand on this stage
Speaking about transgenderism
And then suicide
Would you?
Could you?
Or do you have too much pride?

Why not, is my answer
Why shouldn’t I do this?
It’s not as if everybody’s life is pure bliss.

We all have challenges

We all have pain
It’s what you do with it
That matters
It’s how you climb back up again.

Are you going to stay in that pit?
Are you going to let life, pass on by
While you wallow in your own shit
And gradually die?

I could, but I won’t
I will never give in
I’m a competitive bugger
I don’t want those things to win.

It’s not about right and wrong
It’s not about blame and sin
It’s about telling a story
Pouring out emotion
About making you feel something
About forward motion.

I’m not here to soothe you
With ointment and lotion
I may entertain
If I do that’s a bonus
But my purpose is to reach out
To the lost and the lonely.

Lady Satellite

181: The Slither

I love that word
Slither
The one you dropped on me
That morning
It landed
Without warning
And shocked me out of sleep.

Is that how I have been?
Is that how you see me?
Have I been a bed-hog, quite obscene?
Have you been squashed, to the extreme?

Does it put you out at night
To have me by your side
Or are neither of us used
To having a companion on this ride?

Deliberate, it was not
I assure you there was no plot
To push you to the edge
Of that wide expansive bed.

I enjoyed your body so much
I simply couldn’t get enough
Couldn’t tear myself away
On the other side to lay.

Why would I wish to leave
The beauty I perceive
The strength I so admire
On the other side to retire?

No, the slither is a compliment
A bold statement of my intent
To have my wicked way with you
Again and again until I’m through.

And when at last, I am sated
And I no longer have
The power to move unaided
Roll me away to the far side, elated
And I will not trouble you
Just lie there wasted.

Lady Satellite

180: The Embers Brightly Glow

Eyes watching

Hungrily appreciate your form
Mentally undressing
Ready for a passionate storm.

Watching and waiting
As day slowly turns to night
Raising my temperature
Every time I catch sight
Of those powerful shoulders
Taught beneath your shirt
And that neck I want to bite
Not quite enough to hurt.

I send you for cocktails
Just, so I can watch you walk away
Admiring the hug of your pants
Every sweet inch of the way.

As you stand at the bar
In confident fashion
I thrill to hear you say

“The lady wants an orgasm”

I hear the laughter in your voice
And feel the heat in your soul
We both know where this leads
But anticipation is the goal.

The ache of waiting is exquisite
As time languorously ticks
Minute by glorious minute
Pleasure builds
Reaching for infinite expression
Bodies stimulated
Waiting for release from repression.

From dining
To poetry appreciation
Window shopping
To massage and relaxation
Every activity
On this glorious weekend
Propels my emotions
Through such levels of suspense.

Sometimes seated
Side-by-side
My fingers quietly
Brush against your thigh
Then with a curtain for divide
I listen while practised hands
Manipulate my muscles
And over my body glide.

You are there laying
Just out of reach
My imagination supplies
What my eyes cannot see
I wish to feel your hands
Quick and hard, upon my body
But must wait and anticipate
Though adrenalin surges strongly.

New experiences pile up fast
Each upon the other
I want to slow down
I want to race
Yet I never want it over.

Food, that melts in your mouth
Music, that envelops you whole
Transported by the stimulation of my senses
In a way that I have never known.

“Come back! 

Come back!”

I want to do it all again

But no

“Stay away!”

I fear desire will turn insane.

Let me dream of this awhile
Let me remember fondly
Your ecstatic smile
And the journey
We took each other on
Tumultuous, passionate, rapture
That went on, so very long.

Was it just a day and a night
Or a lifetime?
Who knows?
In my memory
It still smoulders
As the embers brightly glow.

Lady Satellite