65: This Is My Year

This is the year I connected with my emotions and my world changed.
The year I told people what I thought, not what they wanted to hear.
The year I made decisions that benefited me.
The year I took action to change my life.

This is the year that challenged me over and over again.
The year I faced my fears, over and over again
Finally recognising the importance of being true to myself in every situation.
The year I became selfish enough to do this and learnt that that’s okay
In fact it’s not merely okay, it’s right and proper
Because we spare the feelings of others to the detriment of our own lives.

This is the year I screamed and cried until I thought I’d die
Except I didn't, I lived and loved and lived again
Renewed, refreshed, brighter, bolder another year older
Yet freer and younger than I've ever been.

This is the year I found the strength to say no to people.
The year I found the strength to say yes to life and to ask for what I needed.
The year I realised it’s okay to need something or someone
And that it doesn't make me weak to know that truth about myself.
The year I realised that to be honest takes guts
That the truth is often painful and that most people would rather avoid it.
The year I realised I can’t do that any more.

This is the year I stopped needing my kids to need me.
The year I built my own life, separate and vastly different from that of a mother.
The year I had something to say that wasn't about my kids
Because I’d been somewhere and done something
Instead of being wrapped up in family drama.
The year I realised doing these things doesn't make me a bad mother
But a more rounded, balanced human being
In fact a better role model and certainly a happier person.

This is the year I sought out pleasurable experiences
And realised that half the things I’d been doing for entertainment I didn't enjoy.
They were just time-fillers and mental distractions
Excuses for not doing things that were emotionally challenging.

This is the year I sought to know myself
And found I liked the woman I got to know for the first time.

Lady Satellite

The end of December is an appropriate time for reflection. It's been a wild ride this year. I am very grateful for all the good and the bad experiences as I have learnt so much.