169: Become a Lesbian Mum!

I wanted to go out
Meet new people and have fun
But I didn’t know where to begin
So I asked daughter number one.
You should go on dating sites.
Is what she advised me to do.
Didn’t know how I felt about that

So I asked daughter number two.

She said
Become a lesbian Mum.

Ignoring that, I went on the Internet
Tried out Match and eHarmony
Chatted to a lovely man in “Perth”
Who would only talk at quarter past three.
I started to get suspicious
When he wanted money sent.
I said to my daughter
I might be single but I’m not stupid.
Turned out he was in Ghana
So that was the end of cupid.

I told you
Become a lesbian Mum.
Was all my daughter said.

Well I don’t give up that easily
So on RSVP I tried again
Made sure that they were local
And chatted to lots of men.
The first one I met for coffee
Well he was a complete disaster
Gave me a bunch of flowers in a yoghurt pot
And his shirt was covered in pasta.

Well you can guess what my daughter said
Become a lesbian Mum.

Then I met a sporty man
Who turned up with his foot in a cast
Now I’m not being cruel
But I was trying not to laugh.
He’d bought a new T-shirt
In honour of the occasion
He was wearing it quite proudly
But the sticker on the front
Was proclaiming loudly
XL
XL
XL
XL
Where he’d forgotten to remove it
Still at least it was clean!

Well I couldn’t control my giggles
I couldn’t listen to him at all
Because in my head was my daughter
Saying…
Become a lesbian Mum
Check out the chick behind the bar!
And for a moment I turned my head.

Then daughter number one said
You need to get on Tinder. 
So I downloaded the app
But when I took the plunge
Well what can I say about that!
I had more pornographic photo’s sent
Than I’ve ever seen in my life
And found lots of randy men
Who want a threesome with their wife!
But amongst the dubious undesirables
It has been my greatest pleasure
To find someone rather special
In fact someone I shall treasure.
So thank you kindly Tinder
There really isn’t much more to say
Except that now I know for sure
I’m definitely not gay!

Lady Satellite