192: It was Fucking Blue!

That dress, the one we bickered over constantly;
symbolic of all that was unnameable in our lives,
both of us suffering unspeakably,
both powerless to change anything that really mattered
or hug each other in fellowship against a common adversary.

And so we argued,
“It’s green.”
“No, it’s blue.”
“It’s mint green.”
“No, it’s duck egg blue.”
while quiet rage consumed me.

Both of us needing to be right,
to have control of our lives in some small way;
as if all these crumbs of power could possibly outweigh
the oppressive bulk of that unspoken other.

I lost the battle for supremacy
the day I took the Ishihara Test.
It was fucking blue!
Even my eyes were lying to me
Then I discovered nothing in my childhood was green;
not that dress, nor the patchwork fields of my fairy tale existence;
nothing was the healing colour of green.

Lady Satellite