203: Room for Rent

You haven’t stolen my heart
I chose to let you enter
despite the dodgy start
I think you’ll be a good renter.

You’re intelligent and smart
so I don’t think I’ll get bored
just remember I don’t like drunks
and don’t get too self-assured.

I love that you’re fit and healthy
please don’t turn into a slob
I love that you’re gainfully employed
so please don’t lose your job.

I don’t mind if your hair goes white
although I’d prefer if it stays on your head
and it doesn’t matter if you’re tall
because we all dance horizontal in bed.

You’ve earnt your place in my heart
I am happy to have you dwelling there
you are respectful of the privilege
and I know you’ll always take care.

Just remember that room in my heart

is only rented, you don’t own me
bad tenants will be evicted
that’s the rule in the love economy.

Lady Satellite

4: Open Heart

My heart is open.
To what will be, I say ‘Welcome!’
No fear can enter these hallowed chambers,
for that will swiftly close the doors up tight.

I will live, not wither like blooms without light.

My heart is brave.
For what has been, I give thanks.
My wounds have taught me things no book can impart;
like how to survive turmoil and pain
and after it all you can live again.

My heart is joyful.
For what I have, I feel blessed.
You cannot take from me the joy of living.
Kindness always has the power to raise me up;
friendship shared with the ritual of a teacup.

My heart is hopeful.
For who I am, is worthy.
My soul shines and I display my colours proudly.
I dare to unfurl my wings and soar to far horizons.
My heart is willing, to risk it all again.

Lady Satellite

2: Dear Heart

Dear Heart

Forgive me for the stress and strain I have put you under;
I see now the error of my ways.
But my mind could not cope with the conflict in my head.

“It can’t be true!” “It must be me!”
The world is on its head.
“You lie!” “You lie!” It screamed at me and round and round it went.

The only way I could survive, was to put a wall around you,
my precious heart and fortify it well.
Over the top you glimpsed the world and thought you knew it fully;
but you were protected from the blast waves of love and pain;
so that I knew I could at least rely on you.

I built another barricade, in my mind you know.
An impenetrable thicket of lies and make believe;
with thorny spines to keep unwanted questions at bay.
And so we lived, you and I, my heart and mind and me;
not whole, not fully experiencing, but believing we were free.

Then the intruders came, in the middle of my darkest year.
“Why?” “Who?” “Where?” “What?” “Why?” and “Why?” again.
Those questions couldn’t be answered, with half a mind and heart.

As I grappled to gain purchase, on the rubble of my life;
with aching heart and thundering head, I tore down what I had made.
With each thorn that ripped my flesh, I didn’t shy away from the pain.
I held my ground and felt the truth and knew that I was free.

The triggers are disconnected now; my circuitry is working fully.
Released from your bondage, you, dear heart,
swell and contract with the thrill of living.

My mind is content to know itself now,
in all its light and shade.
Dear heart, you will not be controlled again.
I have forgiven myself for what was done.

Love Me

Lady Satellite

My heart goes out to anyone trying to come to terms with their past. If this is you, please be compassionate with yourself. What's done is done. It never goes away; but it isn't the pain of feeling the hurt that damages us; rather it is the pain of not acknowledging or allowing ourselves to feel. Feeling pain doesn't kill us but suppressing pain will eventually.