188: What to Wear for a Swim?

So many different outfits

you can see at the swimming pool
from the ‘oh no thanks’ budgie smugglers
to the seriously cool.

So much costume variety
you can find at the beach
some with acres on display
some with it all tucked up out of reach.

My thoughts on this issue
have changed over the years
along with body confidence
fashion and skin cancer fears.

In my twenties I loved the sun
and a tan I would seek
so I wore a string bikini
in Hawaii for a week.

Yes the waterfall was superb
and the weather was divine
but the company left much to be desired
as his comments undermined.

So I put away the two-piece
and stayed out of the water
till I had kids to teach
and got in again with my daughter.

But my confidence was shot
so I hid for ten long years
wearing an all black Speedo
prevented further tears.

When I got rid of that man
well my confidence it came back
so I took myself off shopping
for a costume that wasn’t black.

I bought a halter neck style
in my favourite aqua blue
it was pretty, frilly and feminine
and I looked good in it too.

So I headed to the pool
to take an aqua-fit class
I was so proud of that costume
but that feeling didn’t last.

The problem was apparent
as I stepped into the water
that beautiful frill just floated
and didn’t stay where it ought ’a.

How’s a girl supposed to exercise

when tangled up in lycra?
I couldn’t figure it out
so I just bought something tighter.

Today at the leisure centre
it was back to black again
this one a tight-fitting sexy number
that to put on was a pain.

Well I wriggled and I jiggled
for a whole ten minutes
but eventually I managed
to get my body in it.

I walked out in the water
feeling confident and fab
no floaty bits to trap me
and no sign of any flab.

I started in the shallows
and headed for the deep
just a leisurely breast stroke
as I had no time to beat.

Around about half way
I was struggling quite a bit
breathing was a little difficult
obviously not that fit.

I valiantly swam on
until I completed my four lengths
then I near collapsed
totally devoid of strength.

I couldn’t understand
what had happened to my fitness
as my world began to spin
I felt sick and quite ridiculous.

Then it hit me with great force
something’s cutting the blood supply
it’s this costume that’s the cause
and without oxygen I’ll die.

So it’s back to the shops for me
this one just won’t do
of course I could try skinny dipping
but I don’t think that’s legal. Do you?

Lady Satellite

187: Patriarchy

Building up a head of steam
watch out I’m gonna blow
what passes for entertainment now
Is humour that’s so low.

Am I the only one
who sees this insidious patriarchy
this continuous passive aggression
that runs through today’s society?

Surely we are better than this?
Surely there is more that we can create to entertain
than this misogynistic trash
that makes the blood boil in my veins?

Comedians that denigrate female relatives
and vulgarise all commentary on women;
iconic popular culture films
with cheap parodies, so lame.

I listen and madly roar
why, is this still ok?
The
       “She’s only a woman”
                                             line
should’ve long been put away in shame.

What passes for comedy
is just filth, profanity
and weak male chauvinistic banality
said tongue-in-cheek, ad infinitum
because no woman could take offence at that

“Right?”

Because it’s just a joke!
Everybody knows we don’t mean it!
So that’s alright

“Right?”

But you do.
You perpetuate the lies.
You laugh and you despise.
Get off your high horse
you came from between my thighs
yet you disrespect and trivialise
the women that gave you life.

Lady Satellite

186: Coming Down

Happy on the ceiling
not wanting to come down
good friend, good food
hours have quietly ticked around.

Lying here in my bed
house surrounding all quiet
not ready to sleep yet
while the endorphins riot.

Relax, take a pen
do something constructive
recording my thoughts
soothingly productive.

Set the words down
commit them to paper
portrait of an evening
immortalised for later.

Lady Satellite

185: The Fool

I picture you so clearly
when I think about the past
most memorable of my teachers
your influence unsurpassed.
You taught me geography and geology
and fed my passion to understand this world.
I looked up to you, yet we ridiculed you too
in a manner that now disturbs.

You had a brilliant mind
you stretched me.
I adored the concepts taught
but your eighties style
and brash earring choice
was something we all abhorred.

Your most noticeable feature
was your more than ample bosom
both lopsided and misshapen
I don’t know how you coped
with the lampooning and jokes
and your annual on-stage humiliation.

It was cruel and it disgusts me
To think that I sat and laughed
As I watched those girls
imitate and denigrate your body.
It sickens me today.
The memory I find so offensive
is not the one I want to take away.

You taught me about women in society

gatekeepers, dignity and so much more.
I applaud your courage and tenacity
and the way you were so self-assured.
You spoke about bureaucrats, politicians, bankers
and others who had the power
to keep us in our place or open doors
the ability to grant or deny access
to equality, status and law.

I drank it all in eagerly
and was unsurprised when I hit those walls.
I ran back and forth and pounded
but I could not make them fall.
Then one day I realised
it was me that had to change
that I had to stop asking for respect
but command it
by behaving as if it was already there
that to expect from others
what I didn’t give myself
was absurd and totally unfair.

Your outer world reflects your inner
was the lesson I had to learn
You lived it and yet I didn’t see
The truth too subtle for me to discern.
You gave no credence to your detractors.
You never once dignified any slight with a response.
You sailed your ship skilfully
with respect and inspiring dignity
while we made fools of ourselves, not you.

Lady Satellite

184: Caught

What is this magnetic force
This attraction that pulled me inexorably towards you?

I have become caught in your atmosphere
My satellite gracefully circumnavigating your globe forever.

Feedback from my probes and scanners
Brings my circuitry to life.

Wherever you are on land or sea
You are tracked with precision
Keeping you in my sights
As I glide past high above
Freely orbiting and yet tenderly held
By the force of your gravity.

Neither can escape
Both moving without constraint
Yet bonded together by universal laws.

As I pass over your horizon
Connection is temporarily lost.

Life continues a little colder

And with less definition on the dark side
Until I reappear shining brightly above you
Basking in the reflected light of our sun.

Lady Satellite

183: The Gift

Softly yielding flesh beneath my fingers
Curiosity rewarded with surprise and delight.

You are beautiful in ways unexpected
Revelation upon revelation to me.

The axis of my world realigns
As your exploration shifts the paradigm.

Appreciation of the feminine changes all
My relationship with my body
Forever changed by loving yours.

Lady Satellite

182: Reaching Out

Do I aim to please
With these words I weave
And if so who
Is it me or you?

Am I seeking to entertain
Or is the purpose
Mere vanity
But then again
Perhaps
It’s just insanity?

I mean why else would I choose
To talk about sex and abuse
To discuss therapy and divorce
And men with a bad attitude.

Would you stand on this stage
Speaking about transgenderism
And then suicide
Would you?
Could you?
Or do you have too much pride?

Why not, is my answer
Why shouldn’t I do this?
It’s not as if everybody’s life is pure bliss.

We all have challenges

We all have pain
It’s what you do with it
That matters
It’s how you climb back up again.

Are you going to stay in that pit?
Are you going to let life, pass on by
While you wallow in your own shit
And gradually die?

I could, but I won’t
I will never give in
I’m a competitive bugger
I don’t want those things to win.

It’s not about right and wrong
It’s not about blame and sin
It’s about telling a story
Pouring out emotion
About making you feel something
About forward motion.

I’m not here to soothe you
With ointment and lotion
I may entertain
If I do that’s a bonus
But my purpose is to reach out
To the lost and the lonely.

Lady Satellite